Is your fear talking? How to know when you should listen

Shhhh …. Quiet.

Can you hear that?

If you listen closely you can hear your fears whispering to you.

Just kidding, that asshole Fear is screaming at the top of his lungs (yes, in my mind fear is a dude — don’t judge me). He is screaming his favorite word: STOP!

Stop going for it. Stop dreaming. Stop thinking you can build a BIG DEAL business. Stop getting on planes. Stop spending time with people who encourage your big dreams. Stop spending money. Stop living. Stop loving. Stop having so much damn fun.

Your fear is a fucking drag.

Buzz kill of the goddamn century.

But here’s what else your fear is: boring. Run of the mill. Totally predictable.

If you’re on the road to Next Level Living (which I’m sure you are if you read this newsletter) then you can expect your Fear to show up with a big ‘ol stop sign along the way. Guaranteed. It would be silly not to expect to run into him. It would also be silly to let him stop you.

On a hike in Bamboo Forest conquering our fear of boulders and mud and raging rivers (bodily harm was arguable.)

Back in April, I went to a lovely dinner with fellow women entrepreneurs while I was in Austin.

We got to talking about what each of us was dreaming about — things, experiences, people we wanted in our lives but currently didn’t have.

One woman shared with me that she has been dying to buy a house in Santa Fe for years. Many, many years. During all of those years, she has been vacationing there with her husband and every time they are there they talk about buying a house. And every time they come home without having bought a house. At this point it’s on her mind frequently and clearly making her sad.

Why has she not bought her dream vacation home in this place that she frequently vacations? Because Fear. Fear of what exactly I’m not sure but it’s likely the usual boring AF Fears like: financial ruin, poverty and destitution; fear of making a mistake or the wrong move; fear of being judged and deemed inadequate; fear of being alone, etcetera, etcetera. Yawn. So effing boring.

Your fears are never a reason NOT to do something unless it’s a life or death, bodily harm kind of situation.

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Conquering our fear and moving across country from NJ to CA.

As in, there is a clear and present threat to you or someone else physically. This kind of fear is pretty rare for most of us. Thank God. We are quite blessed and should be counting our blessings that we don’t have bombs dropping on our heads.

So when my new friend told me that she was scared to buy her house in Santa Fe, here’s what I said, “Fuck that!” Then we started talking about what action steps she was going to take when she got home to make her her Santa Fe dreams happen. Then she told me that she really wants a traditional adobe style home that is unique to the region but instead she was just gonna get a condo. Here’s what I said: “Fuck that, also!” After waiting years to make her dream happen, she was ready to take action yet still hedging. Hell naw! (BTW: I’ve been told that “fuck that, also!” is now the personal mantra of several women who were sitting at that table. I approve.)

So if you are ready to make a bold move, but Fear is being a pain in the ass Yappity Yap,
Use this 3 question test to determine if this is the kind of fear that you should actually listen to, or if you should tell Fear to sit down and STFU:

  1. Is there a clear and present threat of bodily harm or death to you or someone else? This is the not the “six degrees of separation” kind of danger that your Fear makes up in your head. You know the ‘ol, well if I travel to Hong Kong, and then there is an unexpected uprising, and then a war breaks out while I’m there and then I can’t get on the plane back home, and then I may get caught in the middle of a violent protest, in that unlikely AF scenario I may suffer bodily harm. That don’t count. I’m talking “are you currently staring down the barrel of a cannon?” If so, stop reading this email and save yourself! If not, get on the damn plane to Hong Kong and cut your crap.
  2. How likely is it that you will actually experience what your Fear is claiming you will experience? Hint: in almost every case, it is highly unlikely. You can always come back from your travels or entrepreneurial leap and find a job you hate. Newsflash: obtaining a job you hate is easy. Again, get on the plane! See also: Are you being irrational as hell? (Hint: the answer is yes).
  3. Are you likely to regret having had this experience? Remember, most people regret action they didn’t take and experiences they didn’t have. I can tell you that I have zero regrets about the travel, coaching programs, moving across country, entrepreneurship and other experiences I’ve invested in and taken the leap to pursue. Even when things went a bit sideways, it was still an incredible experience, I learned a ton, have amazing memories and grew massively as a human. Why would I regret any of that? Why would you?

So let’s review: Your Fear is a boring asshat as well as wrong. So don’t let that stop you from going for it. Wondering whether you should listen to Your Fear? Here’s the test: is the action you want to take going to cause physical harm to you or someone you love? How likely is it that the crazy scenario Fear is trying to sell you will actually happen if you take this action? And, how likely are you to regret having this experience? The answers to those questions will lead you to saying yes, in almost every case. Cause yes is usually the right answer.

Ready to face your fears and have an epic adventure growing your business and your life? Our Prime Mastermind is starting on July 1st and the application process is officially open. Get all the details about Prime here and then apply. Take the leap!

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